Heights By Great Men Reached And Kept

Ladies and gentlemen, submitted for your approval: the album Maestro  by the incomparable BEENIE MAN.

 I will not be giving you an "introduction to Beenie Man" course because it would take all damn day.  You have computers, feel free to wiki him.  Still, to sum up:  a career spanning 40 years, over 20 albums, international stardom, and collaborations with artists ranging from Sly & Robbie to Steven Seagal (yes, THAT Steven Seagal).  What's more, Beenie Man has achieved all this while performing music that, much of the time, is completely BIZARRE.

Maestro is a stellar example of this.  It opens with a quote from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow over a murmuring crowd and... bird noises?  There's a fake-classical flourish from some synthesized strings while the crowd claps, and Beenie mutters, "This is the maestro, I have the doctorate for all things".  He begins singing in his outsized, rubbery voice.  The fake strings are chased around by a strange keyboard tone, some skeletal drums start convulsing... and as Beenie Man starts rapping, it becomes clear that this ridiculous introduction is not going to resolve into a song... it IS the song.


The next track, "Nuff Gal" opens with a smooth-jazz sax and some gently swinging drums before some Manhattan Transfer-style backing vocals pop up, and then some twangs of electro bass and there  you are, listening to what is possibly the world's first smooth jazz doo wop dancehall track.  It tempts me to say "first and ONLY smooth jazz doo wop dancehall track", but Beenie Man will actually be delivering SEVERAL more of these as the album goes on.


The rest of the album keeps up this level of manic novelty.  You will get some straightforward dancehall bangers (which, of course, sound INSANE if you don't listen to much dancehall), a roots-style reggae track, a MONSTER hip-hop crossover featuring Da Bush Babees, and a track where Beenie Man sings about African History (with varying degrees of accuracy) over the tune to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".  And yes, he does talk about O.J. Simpson in that one.

Even without the dizzying eclecticism of the backing tracks, there is still Beenie Man's voice to reckon with.   Generally a driving baritone bark, it frequently bends up into a SHRIEK that can read as fierce or joyous, as the situation warrants.  Add in a wide range of nonsense syllables, onomatopoeic shouts, and wry chuckles, and it becomes clear how a man can make a 40-plus year music career out of, basically, talking.


While I may, at times, despair at the homogeneity of popular music, Beenie Man's career gives me hope.  If music this odd and idiosyncratic can reach major success, then there will always be something to rescue us from boredom.


Here are a few tracks.  The whole thing is on the itunes, or possibly in the reggae section of your local record store.  Go on, treat yourselves.

"Aura Of Personal Danger"

Submitted for your consideration:  Ninja Man.  Dancehall reggae DJ.  "Article badman".  A performer who has had much-publicized (in Jamaica, anyway) battles with such heavyweights as Shabba Ranks, Super Cat, and Crack Cocaine (which perhaps explains a thing or two about the outfit to our left).  Born-again Christian.  Machete-wound survivor (AFTER converting to Christianity, oddly enough).  Movie star.  And currently on trial for murder, conspiracy to commit murder, shooting with intent, and illegal possession of a firearm.

Thus, when I found myself in a Seattle record store that ONLY sold death metal and reggae records (a mix that perhaps makes more sense than one would originally assume) and I found Ninja Man's 1990 album (one of EIGHT albums our man released that year!) Out Pon Bail, I snatched it up.

Folks, this record is WEIRD.  The first track features a goddamn banjo (not a traditional choice for a dancehall record, if you didn't already know).  The banjo also appears in much-reduced capacity on the second track, and then sadly disappears in favor of (marginally) more accessible electronic squelching noises, orchestra hits, and an ASSLOAD of echo.  Now, whenever echo effects are deployed in a reggae context, critics like to trot out the word "cavernous", which these sounds are NOT.  Out Pon Bail is NOTHING like a cavern.  It is not vast or spacious.  It is instead FLAT and EMPTY, despite the fact that there are tons of crazy-ass sounds pinging around in its cramped, adimensional space.

This, of course, is awesome.  I have included the first six tracks, after which the album sadly turns into limp, predictable lover's reggae.  What happened?  I'm betting the coke ran out.  

P.S. - Pay particular attention to the second minute of "Get Out A Here," in which Ninja Man just gives up on the chorus midway through.  Shit like this is why I love dancehall.